I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize