if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize