Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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