i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
