Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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