My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
