Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
