Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
