Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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