guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
