**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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