How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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