man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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