can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
