I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ruined the universe
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize