The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
