would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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