remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
