Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
