He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
