Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Damn victory sex feels great
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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