Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
