Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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