despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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