theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize