Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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