No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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