Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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