I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
