there's paper in my vomit.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
