I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
