3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
