Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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