Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He shit in the fireplace
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize