I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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