I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
