Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize