I wish I could punch you in the face.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Randomize
