If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
