Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
