the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
