remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
