i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
