There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
