Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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