I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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