remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
