Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
