coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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