my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
