too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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