Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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