I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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