I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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