Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
