just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
