My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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