There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
