I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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