Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
