if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
