I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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